melissa broder rules.
here is a video i made for ‘vagina saint’ by dj berndt
sarah is awesome and made this video
Lolita is my favorite novel ever maybe
Photo with 8 notes
SINS OF OMISSION is on Goodreads. I will be having a book giveaway soon for anyone that rates or reviews it there. Stay tuned.
Joe Wenderoth, Circus Tender, 2012
“Mommy, are clowns animals?”—me when I was 4.
Heather Christle, from What Is Amazing
excerpts from “sins of omission” from DJ Brendt
Sins of Omission by DJ Berndt
DJ Berndt goes over the crazy parts of growing. Life in a bucket is how DJ Berndt chooses to live. His bucket list is a literal bucket with the words scraped onto the metal. Pennsylvanians typically take this approach. When DJ Berndt pours out the bucket he has a stream of consciousness to travel down. Streams of consciousness form from the bucket. Rain clouds help to further expand the stream into a great big river. DJ Berndt’s ambitions work with literal rain to help his house float away. This explains why nobody cares about elections or crime rates because it is all a wash.
Here DJ shows off his impressive T-shirt selection skills. Getting laid is how DJ Berndt was born. Parents need to do the nasty in order to continually re-populate the Earth. “Always Chasing Pussy” fits DJ’s chiseled abs perfectly. If DJ is trying to get ‘some’ with ‘some’ defined as an important meaningful experience than he could do far worse than the shirt. Not trying might help too. Letting his lawn go to garbage is a step in the right direction. Nobody has ever gotten laid because of their immaculately landscaped property.
What gets people hot and bothered is the idea of space travel. Yet DJ discourages his son from becoming an astronaut. The concept of space diseases scares off his child. Unfortunately any sort of ambition can lead to pain. DJ needs to encourage his son to go outside of the norms. Climbing mountains is space travel for Earth. Poor DJ has it all wrong. Eskimos do not live on mountains. Eskimos are gentle creatures who enjoy a good frozen block of ice every now and then.
Grandpas are gentle creatures too. DJ recalls the tale of young Billy. The grandpa is harassed by this mischievous imp. No amount of scolding can prevent Billy from bothering poor old grandpa. Feather tickles bother grandpa. Billy ought to go by another name ‘Unchill Bill’ for his behavior is grossly inappropriate. Nor does Billy try to help out his grandpa with food. Indeed Billy is the world’s worst grandson. Soon everyone at the retirement home will know the truth about Billy.
Spacemen need mundane office work too. Without important papers to file what would be the point of space travel? Office workers on Earth have bigger things to worry about. Concerns feel heavier on Earth, due to the intense gravity. Strangely, a lack of gravity carries its own set of problems. Of course these problems are not literally carried but rather gently moved through the air. Floating through the air is a grand thing. It gains new purpose by teaching life-long organizational skills.
Of course Billy from the harassing grandpa case grows up to be a responsible fireman named ‘Bill’. Bill has important fire to put out. The fire ends up being the one thing that has plagued the community for years. Thanks to his quick thinking Bill is able to rescue the town and atone for his behavior towards his grandpa. Because grandpas need love too and someday everyone will be old, wrinkly and allergic to peanut butter.
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